Why is it that progress makes me lazy!??

As soon as I lose some weight or get some good results, my first thought is, "Sigh, well now I can splurge a little because I accomplished something!"

I realize this is part of the problem that got me here; to my unhealthy and overweight self.  I need to learn a new way of "celebration" that feels like a reward!  A friend of mine was cute; I weighed in on Tuesday and lost 3.7 lbs -- insert image of me jumping up and down (you'll have to use your imagination though because you'll not see that as a gif!).  She wanted to reward my hard work, but didn't want to sabotage my progress, so she gave me...

a small tube of toothpaste. 

I'll start by saying I sincerely doubt I could ever pull it off.
Not for a day, not for a week.
Certainly not for multiple weeks.
Not without a miraculously good attorney who wants to work for free to get me off for having killed someone.

So with all those caveats...
I am considering the HCG Diet.
I just wanted to give voice to it so I can then tell myself what I really think which is that this is not for me and I don't even think it's the healthiest way to lose weight.

I just keep seeing people losing weight on it.
So there.

Part of this journey for me is learning more about myself.  I have a lifelong habit of not thinking much about what I eat or when I eat it.  Not being an over-eater in general, I felt for a long time that what I ate wasn't that important.

Wow, I can hear you saying "wrong!"  Yes, I know what I eat is important.  I used to be more concerned with my next chocolate fix and that was how I spent any time thinking about food.  Life is changing for me and as I learn more about the why's and when's and feelings involved in food, I get better at managing my diet.

I am apparently quite stressed today.  Woke up sick with a chest cold.  I'm managing the cough well at this point but it really takes my energy away.  I have so much to do and for the past two days it's been a whole page of added "To Do" for every item crossed off.  It's just that time of year for me.  I work late and my husband is the mom & dad for a few weeks until life settles down again.

So, I want chocolate!
I even made (asked with pleading eyes) my coworker to open her pristine container of Trader Joe's Almond Roca so I could have some.  It was delicious, but was gone so so quickly.  Now I want ice cream!  Now I want another cup of coffee!  Now I want.....

So I saw this behavior today where I would normally only see it in hindsight.  I asked, how am I feeling?  Stressed.  So what can I do to deal with the stress?  I stopped for a moment and am now writing.  I think this is more productive.

I'm taking some time to go back over my to do list and prioritize.  What must be done today and what can wait.

I'm having a snack because I am probably hungry.  Banana and old fashioned peanut butter.

I'm drinking water because it's always a good idea.

I'll let you know how I do.

So, this journey I'm on is both physical and spiritual...and mental.
I realize that I am in fact, quite rebellious.  I sabbotage myself in thinking and give way to eating whatever I want.  Especially during these past few weeks where I've been feeling so powerless because of all the evil I'm seeing in the world.  I finally realized (thanks to Mom) part of my problem.

I've been believing a lie. 

I have always loved the quote:
"All it takes for evil to exist is for good men to do nothing."

It's not actually true.  At least not completely.

The lie is that we evil won't exist; but it will.  Evil will always exist this side of heaven.  Actually, I could probably say evil will always exist because hell is for eternity. 

That kind of takes the pressure off, at least for me.

Do we have to stand up against evil?  Yes.  In our daily life and wherever we come in contact with it.  We must fight or evil will take over.

I am looking at what evil I need to fight.  I still get overwhelmed by the volume of causes and I don't want to spend so much time looking out that my own family is neglected in the name of fighting evil.  That falls into the letting good get in the way of best.  I want the best!