Kicking & Screaming My Way to Health: not giving up

Showing posts with label not giving up. Show all posts

sugar binge

I binged on sugar this weekend.
I am sad.

Thinking about why...

My husband purchased and brought this
into the house. This is a man who just never buys sugar cereal! So I'm perplexed at his motives. Perhaps he was trying to be nice to the kids. Well, I am a recovering Cereal-Aholic. So, I had 4 bowls in 2 days and they were wonderful and crunchy and nutty and I enjoyed every last bite.
But then I didn't feel great and my tongue was sore and I now only wanted sugar.
You know how Dexter talks about his dark passenger? Sugar is my dark passenger. She must be controlled.
I have not planned for success. I need to have good, satisfying food in the house and I have not done this. I live in the moment (part of my blue/yellow personality). This must change! I'm not sure why this particular step is so difficult for me.
It was very (very) hot out so I really didn't want to go anywhere.

So now, I'm getting back on the bandwagon. I have to go through a little of the sugar withdrawl again; and I'm weighing if that was worth the crunchy milky yum of the cereal. I'm not entirely sure it was.

Sometimes this journey has a step back. That is OK, as long as I keep moving forward again!

I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill

Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success. Dale Carnegie

I never thought I’d do this

I never thought I’d do this.

I have to say… I was not this person.

When I heard people say, “Oh Equal is poison, you really shouldn’t use it!” I thought, “Yeah, whatever! If there is a problem with this stuff it will happen to me because I use so much of it.” And went haughtily on my merry way. Because honestly, if I listen to everything everyone says I would live in a bubble on air. The one issue with the internet is that there is so much information and much of it is contradictory. We need to learn to find information that resonates as true and be willing to vet the sources to confirm our facts. Remember the old warning “Anything that sounds too good to be true probably is.” (try teaching that to kids who start using the internet and are viewing these clever marketing ads tempting them to give information to win a non-existent prize.

I am going off on a tangent there.

I was saying that I’m not this person. I was the “I will eat what I want, when I want and as much as I want person. “ I didn’t ration myself or try to limit food. I tried to eat protein with sugar so I didn’t get a headache, but still.

I don’t exercise, I eat what I want, I have poor sleep habits.

It does catch up with you.

Perhaps pain and discomfort are the only thing some of us will listen to. I joke that God often needs a 2x4 to get my attention. Not because He needs to yell at me but because I force Him to that point. I keep pushing back and God cares enough to ride it out with me. (Thank you God!)

So… why am I changing?

I had headaches every single day.
I was on 2 asthma medications that were giving me bad side effects. (Including a 25lb weight gain and thrush. If you don’t know what thrush is; count yourself fortunate.)
I have no actual energy but I am hyper all the time.
I can’t focus.
I’m fat. I was OK with this for a long time, but my weight hit a point where I was now physically uncomfortable. Sitting in a restaurant, just being… I was aware of the weight and I was uncomfortable. So that got my attention.
Ultimately, this systemic candida outbreak was the clincher for me. As I read about it, I am overwhelmed by the information and the steps necessary to kill this tiny replicating demon. It is subversive and evil. However, the symptoms are bad enough that I was finally willing to make some of the bigger changes.

SUGAR

I’ve talked about what I’m giving up. Some of the changes I’ve made.

· Less sugar, lowering the amount in my coffee.

· Drinking more water.

· Going on supplements.

· Stopping soda.

· No longer drinking sugary drinks.

· No dessert and candy.

My life that sounds miserable when I look back.

I don’t feel miserable though! I feel excited.

I’ve made these changes slowly over a year. Taking on one thing at a time (sometimes several things, but I find that leads to failure pretty quickly). It’s been a one step forward, half a step back, 2 steps forward, 2 steps back… and so on. But at the end of this past year, I’m in a better place than I was and I’m only counting the progress.

a little progress

Why is it that progress makes me lazy!??

As soon as I lose some weight or get some good results, my first thought is, "Sigh, well now I can splurge a little because I accomplished something!"

I realize this is part of the problem that got me here; to my unhealthy and overweight self. I need to learn a new way of "celebration" that feels like a reward! A friend of mine was cute; I weighed in on Tuesday and lost 3.7 lbs -- insert image of me jumping up and down (you'll have to use your imagination though because you'll not see that as a gif!). She wanted to reward my hard work, but didn't want to sabotage my progress, so she gave me...

a small tube of toothpaste.

It made me smile!

I've been seriously watching the sugar intake. Down to 1 white sugar/day and have pretty much (still) stopped soda and now I've added dessert, candy, the ubiquitous deep fried evil that is called d o n u t s. I've not partaken in peanut m&ms or the various other candy stashed around our offices. I'm quite proud of myself! I am feeling better and I want more of this.

Now to kick the lazy reaction of success and let it be a motivator to try harder and see what else I can accomplish!

Do you do the same thing? Do you have a habit of rewarding yourself with food and what have you used as a substitution for that?

(on a side note: I think spellcheck has perhaps made us all lazy about spelling. I'm old school and still feel the need to type every word in full in IM's and texts. I will occassionally use "U" instead of "you" but it does irk me. I want everything properly capitalized etc. So I challenge myself on my spelling. I'm happy to report (because I know you are waiting so axiously to hear) that this post had no mispellings!)

stress is a killer

I have been incredibly stressed the past few weeks. I was shocked when I lost weight last week at our weigh in. I doubt seriously that I will have lost this week. I "fell off the wagon" in eating and exercising this past week. It wasn't horrible (certainly nothing like how I might have eaten before I started this journey), but I'm not happy about it.

I realize that making the wrong choice and feeling bad about it is part of this process. I can remember the next time how I feel afterwards and make better choices.

Still I am determined to focus on the positives (not to Susie Sunshine it all, but to keep myself from beating myself up -- because seriously, most of us do enough of this already!).

Positive: still no soda for me. I had a few sips of a cup at an event and didn't drink the rest. YAY!
Positive: was offered brownies and only ate half of a bite sized piece! YAY!
Positive: I'm doing smoothies most morning and want a smoothie for lunch even. I would like to keep doing this more!

Caution: I have fallen into cereal a bit. Not like I used to so there's my YAY! but cereal is an addiction that needs to be watched very carefully. Another YAY, it was Wheat Chex and Organic Granola with Berries not Capt'n Crunch.

Goal: exercise 3x/week
Goal: consistency in supplements
Goal: 2-3 days/week, 2 smoothies/day -- I did this last week for 2 days and felt great!

I've also hit a big turning point in my life.
As of 9:57p tonight I have no volunteer responsibilities!
I am usually involved in something (kids school, church, friends, teaching, face painting -- something). My last responsibility ended tonight and I am free to work on just my job and my family and spend time with friends and enjoy myself.

Of course, I am already scheming on what other things I can do with all this down time (all this downtime, I crack myself up really)...but for at least a month, I will do nothing. Hopefull I'll make it to the end of the summer. That would be great!

Maybe I can go back to weekly massage and acupuncture! That makes a big difference and it would be great to do that again!

It's getting better all the time!!

not giving up

I've been super busy with work lately and while I have much to say!
Got sick (again), however with the immunity IV I was able to schedule on day 1 of illness, I am bouncing back faster than ever.

Current plan of action:

At work we have a Get Fit Challenge and I am a team captain. Goal to exercise 3x/week and (obviously) lose weight. There are cash incentives.
Trying to get back on and be really consistent with my supplements. Rather frustrated with myself for losing momentum as I will again have to go through the ramp up of not feeling well as they once again purge toxins from my body.
Looking into counseling and even hypnotherapy to help me with my (finally?) "admitting" I have a sugar addiction. (note the caveat's there... I am still holding on by my fingernails there.) Purchased additional supplements to help with cravings.
Always need to drink more water.

I am seeing that having a plan is really important. I want to post my goals. I've been to so many sales training and conferences and the one constant is writing down your goals and looking at your written goals daily. That is something many of the most successful people in the world do that others don't. Seeing as I struggle with ADD and focus -- this will hopefully help me remember why I am trying to get healthy.

Perhaps having these posted at home (and work) will help my family encourage me as well.

So, I'm restarting myself today.