I went on a women's retreat this past weekend.  It was needed.  I struggled part of the time; like many of us, I struggle with feeling "good enough" or "liked."  I'm not consumed with it or anything, but we have those vulnerable times when we're more aware of our own social issues.

On top of that, I was preparing something as part of the retreat and we didn't end up having enough for everyone.  That way stressed me out.  As did another snafu that I was a part of so my retreat started off with a lot of beating myself up because I was a arty to things not being perfect.  Not that anyone knew tings weren't perfect, so really it wasn't such a huge deal.

I don't like to let people down.  I don't like that I was counted on to do something and for whatever reasons it didn't happen.  I already worry that my loud personality overshadows things sometimes.  It made me feel small.  I don't want leadership at my church to think they cannot trust me and that's exactly how I felt.

I was able to work through most of it by Sunday.  Part of what helped was the teaching on Saturday.  It was really good.  Am I willing to submit myself to God and allow Him to make my path straight?  Am I willing to lean on HIS understanding and not my own?  I found that I have become stagnant in my faith and this has caused me many problems.  I'll now have to keep an eye on myself to ensure I don't hold it all back for me to do again.  That idea of self sufficiency is a toughy!

I have so much to say that I become blocked.  I will try to write more.  It makes a difference in my life.


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