Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts

soda addiction

There is some good conversation going on over here at Snack Girl (who I follow by the way).

Why Quitting Diet Coke Is A Good Idea & Some Suggestions For How To Do It

sugar binge

I binged on sugar this weekend.
I am sad.

Thinking about why...

My husband purchased and brought this
into the house. This is a man who just never buys sugar cereal! So I'm perplexed at his motives. Perhaps he was trying to be nice to the kids. Well, I am a recovering Cereal-Aholic. So, I had 4 bowls in 2 days and they were wonderful and crunchy and nutty and I enjoyed every last bite.
But then I didn't feel great and my tongue was sore and I now only wanted sugar.
You know how Dexter talks about his dark passenger? Sugar is my dark passenger. She must be controlled.
I have not planned for success. I need to have good, satisfying food in the house and I have not done this. I live in the moment (part of my blue/yellow personality). This must change! I'm not sure why this particular step is so difficult for me.
It was very (very) hot out so I really didn't want to go anywhere.

So now, I'm getting back on the bandwagon. I have to go through a little of the sugar withdrawl again; and I'm weighing if that was worth the crunchy milky yum of the cereal. I'm not entirely sure it was.

Sometimes this journey has a step back. That is OK, as long as I keep moving forward again!

I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill

Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success. Dale Carnegie

journey...and a battle

I’m not a lifelong dieter. Now, if you could see me (and my weight) you might think to yourself “duh” but there it is. I’ve always believed that dieting doesn’t work. If you are fair, you will agree with me because all those dieters just keep going on and off diets and end up with 3 sets of clothing depending on the size they are today. I have actually stayed mostly the same size for my adult life.

I was thinner before my first child. Gave birth and within a year was down a size lower than I started. No diet. Just youth and a part time waitressing gig that I think worked off all the weight. (sigh) I looked good. So good that I got pregnant again. I’m still trying to lose the baby weight. The joke is that my second child is 12 years old.

I have steadily added some pounds over the past several years. About 25 lbs. That is a scary number. I believe it is due partially to age and partially to the addition of steroids to control asthma. Those things are killer! I managed to get off the steroids (with the help of the magnificent Kaci-acupuncturist and herbologist) and lost 15 of those lbs. I’m going to be brave here and tell you what I weight. 209! For a short person, I carry it reasonably well (I stick with a large bust being a distraction), but still that’s way too high. (another DUH)

So dieting doesn’t work. Life change does. So I am trying to do life change. Not easy. (Maybe I should name this entry DUH.) I have always just eaten what I wanted to. I never thought I was an emotional eater or had an eating disorder or anything like that. I was a PMS eater, but hey, who is going to mess with a woman with PMS and her chocolate?

So on this journey of what feels like denial… All. The. Time! I’ve learned some things about myself.

I am an emotional eater.

I have used food to reward myself for a very long time. I’m grateful I’m not heavier than I am. I’ve learned that I am a broken person. Perhaps more broken than I realized or maybe just broken differently than I realized. I have a very lonely marriage and I am now seeing that I fill that loneliness with sugar. So far, it’s worked pretty good. Sugar makes me happy. But aging, I’m seeing that I’m tired all the time. I don’t feel good, all the time. I have a headache, all the time. And as I search for ways to combat this, it turns out everything is connected.

PCOS, Candida, Adrenal Fatigue, Mood Disorder, PMS, Thyroid Issues, Tiredness, Headaches, High Triglycerides, Allergies, Asthma

I could go on. They are all caused by each other. They are all the effects of each other. And guess what! They all are made worse by sugar and diet.

This is quite honestly overwhelming. I didn’t realize how much I love sugar. How dependent on it I am. Emotionally and physically. It seems like I can’t overcome this. Not that I’m going to give up, it’s just each step I make never seems enough. At some point I am going to have to make some bigger commitments. I keep wanting to bargain with myself.

I realized the other day when I was trying to have a “fast” from sugar I suddenly thought about just eating whatever I wanted and it was a desire to really binge and I thought… wow! Where did that come from? I’m not really a binger (more a steady streamer). My heart just breaks for people who live like that and are constantly struggling with binging food. It also scared me because I certainly don’t want to be in a position where I enter another problem with food. That’s just what I need.

So, just sharing what this journey is like. I found a website about a woman’s plan for removing candida and she said something encouraging. About how she felt deprived for the first 6 months but is now feeling joyful and alive. The problem is looking past the step I’m on. I am a researcher, but when I research the people all say that you practically have to give up every food I eat, that even peanuts aren’t good for you or broccoli if it hasn’t been grown properly and it all just freaks me out and I think – I’m just not willing to live that way.

Yes, you hear growing hysteria in that last sentence. So I come back and focus on today and this hour and what step I’m on. What can I do now?

It’s not just a journey…it’s a battle.

stress is a killer

I have been incredibly stressed the past few weeks. I was shocked when I lost weight last week at our weigh in. I doubt seriously that I will have lost this week. I "fell off the wagon" in eating and exercising this past week. It wasn't horrible (certainly nothing like how I might have eaten before I started this journey), but I'm not happy about it.

I realize that making the wrong choice and feeling bad about it is part of this process. I can remember the next time how I feel afterwards and make better choices.

Still I am determined to focus on the positives (not to Susie Sunshine it all, but to keep myself from beating myself up -- because seriously, most of us do enough of this already!).

Positive: still no soda for me. I had a few sips of a cup at an event and didn't drink the rest. YAY!
Positive: was offered brownies and only ate half of a bite sized piece! YAY!
Positive: I'm doing smoothies most morning and want a smoothie for lunch even. I would like to keep doing this more!

Caution: I have fallen into cereal a bit. Not like I used to so there's my YAY! but cereal is an addiction that needs to be watched very carefully. Another YAY, it was Wheat Chex and Organic Granola with Berries not Capt'n Crunch.

Goal: exercise 3x/week
Goal: consistency in supplements
Goal: 2-3 days/week, 2 smoothies/day -- I did this last week for 2 days and felt great!

I've also hit a big turning point in my life.
As of 9:57p tonight I have no volunteer responsibilities!
I am usually involved in something (kids school, church, friends, teaching, face painting -- something). My last responsibility ended tonight and I am free to work on just my job and my family and spend time with friends and enjoy myself.

Of course, I am already scheming on what other things I can do with all this down time (all this downtime, I crack myself up really)...but for at least a month, I will do nothing. Hopefull I'll make it to the end of the summer. That would be great!

Maybe I can go back to weekly massage and acupuncture! That makes a big difference and it would be great to do that again!

It's getting better all the time!!

don't judge me

I'll start by saying I sincerely doubt I could ever pull it off.
Not for a day, not for a week.
Certainly not for multiple weeks.
Not without a miraculously good attorney who wants to work for free to get me off for having killed someone.

So with all those caveats...
I am considering the HCG Diet.
I just wanted to give voice to it so I can then tell myself what I really think which is that this is not for me and I don't even think it's the healthiest way to lose weight.

I just keep seeing people losing weight on it.
So there.

deep fried EVIL's brother

IM from today....

me: I think my mantra this week should be NO COOKIES

K: that's doable
K: remember: attainable goals

me: I'm not even hungry but those crack cookies are down there SINGING TO ME
me: wooing me
me: calling me
me: they have to be one of the best cookies ever

K: My sis likes the deep fried cakes of EVIL

me: that's what they are, deep fried cakes of EVIL

K: think of the cookies as the EVIL brother to the donuts
K: only baked

me: I used to not ever have them (deep fried cakes of EVIL), then slowly started partaking them again

K: not too big on the EVIL death cakes

me: same with french fries
me: though I find those easier to have just a few and stop

K: and they are soooo tasty
K: EVIL deep fried potato sticks

me: I'd honestly rather have "sweet potato's" (quotes because they are really yams. Yams = orange, sweet potato's = white, slightly yellow)

K: silly

me: COOKIES SHUT UP!!!!

...later...

K: are you working late tonight?

me: what cookies?
me: honest, I walked by and they JUMPED into my mouth
me: chased me even
me: Horror Movie Cookies

K: you are a baaaad girl
K: just remember, everyone usually dies in horror movies.

stupid deep fried EVIL's baked brother

great smoothie recipe

Protein in the morning -- gosh, just eating breakfast -- is huge.
I've watched what a difference eating protein for breakfast and those first few snacks (and lunch) really makes. The more protein and the less sugar I consume, the less sugar I want and the healthier I am.

I have been through several protein powders. The best tasting was HerbalLife's vanilla. However, it's soy based and I'm not supposed to have a lot of soy, so that's out.

I'm now using a rice based protein powder to help with the cleanse. It's not great, but now that I have this smoothie recipe - it's actually pretty tasty!

1 scoop protein powder
1/4 cup orange juice
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup ice (optional)
1/2 frozen banana (be sure to peel before freezing)
2 frozen strawberries
handful of blueberries

BLEND WELL

Enjoy!!

The OJ makes this recipe. I've had other smoothies using water and they were... icky and not to be repeated. If I am going to use a smoothie as a meal replacement, it should taste decent, don't you think? I don't want to live a life with icky tasting food and I don't think that is what is necessary to lose weight - though there will be some adjustment. (see sugar issues--Choc Choc Chip Haagen Daz anybody?)

The frozen fruit and addition of 1/2 banana also make it thick and not watery. I usually eyeball the ingredients. This makes about 12-13 oz. (I only know that because of the disposable coffee cup I use at work.)

I have a blender at work. I bring a stash of frozen fruit and OJ in and replace as necessary. I also keep protein powder at work (as well as at home) because I'm terrible (terrible) at planning things for myself to eat and end up scarfing down copious amounts of peanut m&ms and other such evil because I've not eaten and now I'm famished! I close the kitchen door and blend away - it is fairly loud.

Years ago when I was doing HerbalLife, my friend used to blend 2 shakes for herself and bring one with her. She would keep it in a shaker and put it in the fridge. She said they were fine. So I'm sure that's another option.

My next goal is to find a peanut butter smoothie recipe that won't be 1000 calories (see Jamba Juice Peanut Butter Smoothie for an unsettling experience).

stress eating

Part of this journey for me is learning more about myself. I have a lifelong habit of not thinking much about what I eat or when I eat it. Not being an over-eater in general, I felt for a long time that what I ate wasn't that important.

Wow, I can hear you saying "wrong!" Yes, I know what I eat is important. I used to be more concerned with my next chocolate fix and that was how I spent any time thinking about food. Life is changing for me and as I learn more about the why's and when's and feelings involved in food, I get better at managing my diet.

I am apparently quite stressed today. Woke up sick with a chest cold. I'm managing the cough well at this point but it really takes my energy away. I have so much to do and for the past two days it's been a whole page of added "To Do" for every item crossed off. It's just that time of year for me. I work late and my husband is the mom & dad for a few weeks until life settles down again.

So, I want chocolate!
I even made (asked with pleading eyes) my coworker to open her pristine container of Trader Joe's Almond Roca so I could have some. It was delicious, but was gone so so quickly. Now I want ice cream! Now I want another cup of coffee! Now I want.....

So I saw this behavior today where I would normally only see it in hindsight. I asked, how am I feeling? Stressed. So what can I do to deal with the stress? I stopped for a moment and am now writing. I think this is more productive.

I'm taking some time to go back over my to do list and prioritize. What must be done today and what can wait.

I'm having a snack because I am probably hungry. Banana and old fashioned peanut butter.

I'm drinking water because it's always a good idea.

I'll let you know how I do.

Day 2

Feeling better. Apparently, I wasn't eating enough or drinking enough water.

No water, all the crud I'm trying to rid my body of just sticks around and has a party. With water they are flushed out.

Eating helped with feeling so nauseas. So I'm feeling better about what I am doing.

I want to follow the low sugar diet plan, but I still feel myself holding onto the white granulated god with double fists. It's all a head game. I've been working on it for years, to "think" like a skinny girl. I see how my sister in law makes food choices and she is so smart about her weight as a lifestyle.

Knowing I am decreasing sugar ... I do OK for a little bit and then I want sweets. I want a "treat". I have eschewed the diet speak and mindset for so long perfectly content with my own perspective of moderation in all things (which I still totally hold on to by the way). The truth I am struggling with is I am not moderate with sugar. I overindulge. I may not overeat at a particular meal, but my daily caloric intake is high because of what I choose to eat. It's the constant flow of candy into my very happy mouth.

Realizing that I am actually hungry for real food, not more junk and doing something about it.