I binged on sugar this weekend.
I am sad.

Thinking about why...

1. My husband purchased and brought this
      into the house.  This is a man who just never buys sugar cereal!  So I'm perplexed at his motives.  Perhaps he was trying to be nice to the kids.  Well, I am a recovering Cereal-Aholic.  So, I had 4 bowls in 2 days and they were wonderful and crunchy and nutty and I enjoyed every last bite. 
   But then I didn't feel great and my tongue was sore and I now only wanted sugar. 
   You know how Dexter talks about his dark passenger?  Sugar is my dark passenger.  She must be controlled.
2. I have not planned for success.  I need to have good, satisfying food in the house and I have not done this.  I live in the moment (part of my blue/yellow personality).  This must change!  I'm not sure why this particular step is so difficult for me. 
3. It was very (very) hot out so I really didn't want to go anywhere.

So, as of last week I was doing pretty well.
Encouraged and seeing a little on the results side of things.
I've managed to get all my pills down daily and that is becoming less of an issue.  I do much better at work where life is structured.  I will tell you all day that I don't like structure but with just the right amount, I have to admit it does make a difference.


This weekend I learned that old habits die hard and that you have to plan for success.
We ran out of actual food for meals.  I have a few things still, tomatoes, lettuce, some broccoli.  Not enough for a meal though.  More along the lines of snacks.


Saturday went OK.  Until I realized I missed one whole portion of my supplements.  (where's that "I coulda had a V8 face?)  Move on to Sunday.
We went out as a family (always a brave endeavor) to The Galaxy (as in soccer) open house at their stadium to pick seats for season ticket holders.  This ended up taking longer than anticipated.  They had "gourmet" food trucks but not enough for the volume of people who were there so the lines were like an hour or more long.  eek


I didn't want to eat there.  Gourmet grilled cheese or Mexican food didn't sound good to me.  We decided to get a snack for the kids.  A hand scooped ice cream sandwich seemed a good idea.  I was not getting one.  Feeling so proud of myself for not having that craving for sugar and letting my daughter get the mint ice cream with chocolate cookies.  Walking into the shade, H (daughter) gave that icky face meaning "I don't like this"  (Yes, 12 year olds still do this).  So I had a "taste" which ended up being all the ice cream and one of the cookies. It would have been fine with me if I had really enjoyed eating it; but I didn't  It wasn't worth it.


The kids went back for just a scoop of ice cream and after 2 more tried, H found something she thought was yummy and ate it.  A (son) was a little easier to please.  


Daddy was finally done upgrading his tickets and we still had 45 mins in line for the grilled cheese truck so we left to eat elsewhere.  We ended up at Shakey's.  My husband (nor my children) had been to Shakey's.  While the lunch buffet was over, we got what we needed with pizza, chicken and... yes... mojo potato's.  (It may actually be a crime to not order mojos).  I already know I'm in trouble here.  Adam ordered the salad bar, but I wasn't interested honestly.  I ended up with chicken and a slice of pizza which I ate while watching FOOTBALL!  For anyone who doesn't know me, this is a bid deal.  I don't watch sports.  Never have.  I was trying to just c hill and be OK with what was going on.


In the end, I missed a whole portion of my supplements again on Sunday.  Then I ate candy.  I didn't binge and the first piece didn't even taste good, but I was frustrated with not having enough food in the house (hmmmm, didn't I do this last Sunday too?) and what was available to eat.  Bed.


Waking up today, I'm ready to get back on track.  It's interesting that I didn't actually want the sweets, they did not have my mouth watering, but my mind was so used to that activity that I kind of kept going through the same motions.  I realize that having been taking the supplements and not realizing how much of an impact they were making on my palate and what I want to eat --I didn't consider that my palate is only half the battle.  The other half is my brain and convincing myself I don't want that snickers bar.  The frustration I will have to break through because even not wanting it, even taking a bite and realizing that it is not the promised culinary heaven covered in chocolate... I still ate it.  THAT makes me sad.


Does it mean that there is still more going on emotionally?
Does it mean I just need to get off my lazy bum and find more to do?


Weight Watchers starts tomorrow.  I have a feeling we'll be dealing with some of these issues.


Till next time... be smart!