soda addiction

There is some good conversation going on over here at Snack Girl (who I follow by the way).

Why Quitting Diet Coke Is A Good Idea & Some Suggestions For How To Do It

sugar binge

I binged on sugar this weekend.
I am sad.

Thinking about why...

  1. My husband purchased and brought this
    into the house.  This is a man who just never buys sugar cereal!  So I'm perplexed at his motives.  Perhaps he was trying to be nice to the kids.  Well, I am a recovering Cereal-Aholic.  So, I had 4 bowls in 2 days and they were wonderful and crunchy and nutty and I enjoyed every last bite. 
    But then I didn't feel great and my tongue was sore and I now only wanted sugar. 
    You know how Dexter talks about his dark passenger?  Sugar is my dark passenger.  She must be controlled.
  2. I have not planned for success.  I need to have good, satisfying food in the house and I have not done this.  I live in the moment (part of my blue/yellow personality).  This must change!  I'm not sure why this particular step is so difficult for me. 
  3. It was very (very) hot out so I really didn't want to go anywhere.
So now, I'm getting back on the bandwagon.  I have to go through a little of the sugar withdrawl again; and I'm weighing if that was worth the crunchy milky yum of the cereal.  I'm not entirely sure it was.

Sometimes this journey has a step back.  That is OK, as long as I keep moving forward again! 

I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.   Michael Jordan
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.  Winston Churchill
Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.  Dale Carnegie 

I never thought I’d do this

I never thought I’d do this.
I have to say… I was not this person.
When I heard people say, “Oh Equal is poison, you really shouldn’t use it!” I thought, “Yeah, whatever!  If there is a problem with this stuff it will happen to me because I use so much of it.” And went haughtily on my merry way.  Because honestly, if I listen to everything everyone says I would live in a bubble on air.  The one issue with the internet is that there is so much information and much of it is contradictory.  We need to learn to find information that resonates as true and be willing to vet the sources to confirm our facts.  Remember the old warning “Anything that sounds too good to be true probably is.”  (try teaching that to kids who start using the internet and are viewing these clever marketing ads tempting them to give information to win a non-existent prize. 
I am going off on a tangent there.
I was saying that I’m not this person.  I was the “I will eat what I want, when I want and as much as I want person. “  I didn’t ration myself or try to limit food.  I tried to eat protein with sugar so I didn’t get a headache, but still.
I don’t exercise, I eat what I want, I have poor sleep habits.
It does catch up with you.
Perhaps pain and discomfort are the only thing some of us will listen to.  I joke that God often needs a 2x4 to get my attention.  Not because He needs to yell at me but because I force Him to that point.  I keep pushing back and God cares enough to ride it out with me. (Thank you God!)
So… why am I changing?
  • I had headaches every single day. 
  • I was on 2 asthma medications that were giving me bad side effects.  (Including a 25lb weight gain and thrush.  If you don’t know what thrush is; count yourself fortunate.)
  • I have no actual energy but I am hyper all the time. 
  • I can’t focus.
  • I’m fat.  I was OK with this for a long time, but my weight hit a point where I was now physically uncomfortable.  Sitting in a restaurant, just being… I was aware of the weight and I was uncomfortable.  So that got my attention.
  • Ultimately, this systemic candida outbreak was the clincher for me.  As I read about it, I am overwhelmed by the information and the steps necessary to kill this tiny replicating demon.  It is subversive and evil.  However, the symptoms are bad enough that I was finally willing to make some of the bigger changes.
I’ve talked about what I’m giving up.  Some of the changes I’ve made.
·        Less sugar, lowering the amount in my coffee.
·        Drinking more water.
·        Going on supplements.
·        Stopping soda.
·        No longer drinking sugary drinks.
·        No dessert and candy.
My life that sounds miserable when I look back.
I don’t feel miserable though!  I feel excited.
I’ve made these changes slowly over a year.  Taking on one thing at a time (sometimes several things, but I find that leads to failure pretty quickly).  It’s been a one step forward, half a step back, 2 steps forward, 2 steps back… and so on.  But at the end of this past year, I’m in a better place than I was and I’m only counting the progress.

a little progress

Why is it that progress makes me lazy!??

As soon as I lose some weight or get some good results, my first thought is, "Sigh, well now I can splurge a little because I accomplished something!"

I realize this is part of the problem that got me here; to my unhealthy and overweight self.  I need to learn a new way of "celebration" that feels like a reward!  A friend of mine was cute; I weighed in on Tuesday and lost 3.7 lbs -- insert image of me jumping up and down (you'll have to use your imagination though because you'll not see that as a gif!).  She wanted to reward my hard work, but didn't want to sabotage my progress, so she gave me...

a small tube of toothpaste. 

 It made me smile!

I've been seriously watching the sugar intake.  Down to 1 white sugar/day and have pretty much (still) stopped soda and now I've added dessert, candy, the ubiquitous deep fried evil that is called d o n u t s.  I've not partaken in peanut m&ms or the various other candy stashed around our offices.  I'm quite proud of myself!  I am feeling better and I want more of this. 

Now to kick the lazy reaction of success and let it be a motivator to try harder and see what else I can accomplish!

Do you do the same thing?  Do you have a habit of rewarding yourself with food and what have you used as a substitution for that?

(on a side note:  I think spellcheck has perhaps made us all lazy about spelling.  I'm old school and still feel the need to type every word in full in IM's and texts.  I will occassionally use "U" instead of "you" but it does irk me.  I want everything properly capitalized etc.  So I challenge myself on my spelling.  I'm happy to report (because I know you are waiting so axiously to hear) that this post had no mispellings!)

checking in on my journey

To date, I've still not lost much weight.
However, I have made some good changes.

I stopped drinking soda -- which I really though I would hold on to much longer than I did.
I went to iced tea for a while and while that was less sugar, I was still adding sugar.

I had a few ice blended Mocha's from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf and was pleased to learn they were too sweet for me and I requested less powder.  Would never have considered that as a possibility for me before.

I have to be very careful to maintain where I am.  I cannot let myself look too far down the path to all that I should or may accomplish with this.  (ie: going sugar and carb free) because ultimately, I don't really want to do that.  I want to be healthy, but I already feel like I don't have so much to eat and I worry that a turkey sandwich (with or without bread) every day is going to get old.  Then what will I do?

I am trying to stick with what is right in front of me.
Less sugar going for no sugar.
More exercise (almost anything will count at this point.)

I did notice that I am having a few fantasies about being really healthy and fit and feeling better and having a nice body.  There is some fear involved, but I want to be more than what I am. (or less of what I am?)

Looking forward to where I end up.
Couldn't do it without the help I'm getting.
Seriously, Enspirit Wellness in Lake Forest (hi Kaci!) have made such a positive and encouraging impact on my journey.  I'm sure there is much I wouldn't have even considered without them.  I am so grateful my insurance includes their services!

I am

i want sugar!

It’s 3:26pm and I WANT SUGAR! 
I want a treat badly.  I’m not physically satisfied.
I’ve had the habit of a sugary snack in the late afternoon for so long that I feel deprived now.

So, I broke down, because I’m not going home after work and have no other snacks, and had peanut butter on crackers (old fashioned pb, so less sugar, but still sugar) and good ole saltines.
I let myself get WAY too hungry – fail.
I need to prepare better for my day.

No candy (although the pb crackers are as tasty as candy)

This is still progress!!  I have to remember that.
I'm not turning to M&M, didn't eat a cookie (and the cafeteria makes them really yummy) and didn't eat any donuts!  That was just today!  Apparently Thursday's at work are very dangerous for somebody trying not to eat sugar.


I'm getting frustrated because I don't seem to be able to commit to a new lifestyle.  
I've made some progress.  Things I never really thought I could change and I'm trying really hard to hold on to that!  (very little dairy, no soda, less sugar, better least most of the time)  I give myself a round of applause for that.

I keep seeing people post online about their new distributor status where they're selling some health product (I notice a lot of protein shakes!) and they've either helped someone loose weight and here's a picture of how great they look (before and after pics of course) or how they just lost 5 lbs or 8 lbs and how they love eating healthy and how this snack of a handful of blueberries is so yummy.  (I'm sorry, but still, a handful of blueberries is NOT satisfying to me.)

I had to stop following those links because it's depressing me.  I don't know if I'm failing or if my journey is just that different.  I kind of already know it's both.  Not completely on the failure part, I have made some progress; just not enough.  I'm just not motivated enough.

So this is the part where God might give me a little shove in the right direction because I've prayed for Him to help me be motivated.  And that shove might be some kind of medical issue that basically requires I exercise -- shudder.

I just know exercise is the answer and yet I don't want to do it.  I find it boring and I just plain don't want to do it!  Yes, I know how juvenile that sounds and realize that at some point I am going to have to lift my lovely yet large derriere off the chair and go move it around.  I wish there was some breakthrough I could have (other than perhaps a large 2x4 hitting me to get my attention) that would put me in the right frame of mind for such activity.

I guess I keep on trying.