I'm getting frustrated because I don't seem to be able to commit to a new lifestyle.  
I've made some progress.  Things I never really thought I could change and I'm trying really hard to hold on to that!  (very little dairy, no soda, less sugar, better snacks...at least most of the time)  I give myself a round of applause for that.

I keep seeing people post online about their new distributor status where they're selling some health product (I notice a lot of protein shakes!) and they've either helped someone loose weight and here's a picture of how great they look (before and after pics of course) or how they just lost 5 lbs or 8 lbs and how they love eating healthy and how this snack of a handful of blueberries is so yummy.  (I'm sorry, but still, a handful of blueberries is NOT satisfying to me.)

I had to stop following those links because it's depressing me.  I don't know if I'm failing or if my journey is just that different.  I kind of already know it's both.  Not completely on the failure part, I have made some progress; just not enough.  I'm just not motivated enough.

So this is the part where God might give me a little shove in the right direction because I've prayed for Him to help me be motivated.  And that shove might be some kind of medical issue that basically requires I exercise -- shudder.

I just know exercise is the answer and yet I don't want to do it.  I find it boring and I just plain don't want to do it!  Yes, I know how juvenile that sounds and realize that at some point I am going to have to lift my lovely yet large derriere off the chair and go move it around.  I wish there was some breakthrough I could have (other than perhaps a large 2x4 hitting me to get my attention) that would put me in the right frame of mind for such activity.

I guess I keep on trying.

So, this journey I'm on is both physical and spiritual...and mental.
I realize that I am in fact, quite rebellious.  I sabbotage myself in thinking and give way to eating whatever I want.  Especially during these past few weeks where I've been feeling so powerless because of all the evil I'm seeing in the world.  I finally realized (thanks to Mom) part of my problem.

I've been believing a lie. 

I have always loved the quote:
"All it takes for evil to exist is for good men to do nothing."

It's not actually true.  At least not completely.

The lie is that we evil won't exist; but it will.  Evil will always exist this side of heaven.  Actually, I could probably say evil will always exist because hell is for eternity. 

That kind of takes the pressure off, at least for me.

Do we have to stand up against evil?  Yes.  In our daily life and wherever we come in contact with it.  We must fight or evil will take over.

I am looking at what evil I need to fight.  I still get overwhelmed by the volume of causes and I don't want to spend so much time looking out that my own family is neglected in the name of fighting evil.  That falls into the letting good get in the way of best.  I want the best!