Good news, I weighed in today with every expectation that I had gained weight.  I'm even on my cycle (sorry for the TMI) but it's an even bigger deal that I actually LOST 1 LB because of that TMI.  I'm so happy.  It means that even with my failure to exercise this week all my cookie neglect paid off.  I feel encouraged and excited that I may actually be doing this (not just able, but actively doing this).


The bad news is I am once again over committed and anxiety ridden and stressed because I've not left enough time to do some things and now I have to push myself to get it all complete.  I truly hate when I do this and yet it's a pattern I see.


Why is there SO MUCH that needs fixing and I'm seeing all of it now?  Is God focusing my "need to achieve" over commitment on myself?  Where I'll be so busy with drawing closer to him to manage what is going on in my heart, head and body that there is no room for anything else?


Hmmmm

today's prayer:
(OK, it's yesterday's prayer but I missed yesterday so I'm doing this one)

Deuteronomy 30:1
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

This is the first day of the rest of my life.
OK, every day really is the first day.
Today I am taking a step forward in my faith and in my life.
This past retreat weekend I made some changes.


I realized I stepped away from God for a while.
I've been very discouraged.


Trying to make my marriage and my family work.
Trying to have a marriage that isn't in separate rooms all the time.  Where my husband doesn't want to hide in his man cave but be a part of what's going on. 


Trying to be the person I see inside of me but never seem to produce.


So Lord, here we go.  I can see that while I trust in you, I've still been trying awfully hard to do all this in my own strength.  It needs to be Your strength because I think it's pretty obvious, I haven't done so well.